yes....so....i'm on campus right now. ill be going to work in about a half hour. wee. anyway, i was in tthe bathroom, and i happend to hear random people talking, yadayada. and while im in there there's at least 3 different groups of girls (or pairs. the groupings consisted of 2-3 people at a time, it seemed). and i heard minor snippets of the conversations, and something occurred to me.... i couldn't tell the difference between the 3 seperate groups. nor could i tell the difference between the individual members of the groups as they spoke. now...someone might say that i'm odd for even making note of such a thing (being that i was in a bathroom and all), but this struck me as odd, and perhaps even a bit disturbing.
here are these girls, supposedly each a model of the ideal college girl: cute, giggly, flattering attire (e.g. super cute clothes! OMG :D), just-right makeup, etcetc. anyway, so yes...their conversations....it was the last group of girls in particular that stuck out in my mind. they all sounded exactly the same. it went something like this:
girl 1: i had some WAY weird dreams last night!
girl 2: Oh my God! Me TOO!
girl 1: REALLY?! Oh my God!
girl 2: yeah!!
and then it went on from there. what struck me as strange was how stereotypical their interaction was. now, not to say that these girls are necessarily stupid...they are in a university, afterall. i mean, sure they could've got their way on mummy and daddy's checkbook...however being that this is a state university and its not exactly Stanford or somesuch, well...the frequency of that is rather unlikely. anyway.... but something i might gather them to be are what are known as "bubbleheads." dictionary.com cites the definition of bubblehead as being "A foolish or empty-headed person." now...this seems to" concur with my idea of a good deal of people i come across on campus. its the language, the mannerisms, the lack of social awareness (or any kind of awareness, really, it seems). i'll never say that i'm some example of perfection...surely not; however, i'll always be relieved to know that i'm not one of these. i could go on for pages explaining exactly what i mean, defending my point...but at the moment i feel as though such efforts would be wasted and that energy would be better spent doing some of my schoolwork. and besides, it's my journal so, NYAH. heh. moving on...
hmm...i wonder if there's a point to all of these entries...perhaps just for my own amusement? probably. i have yet to really show this to anyone...perhaps i'll branch out to a few others. i don't know! meh. me is tired. Woo.
someome noted the other day now my two favorite phrases are "you know" and "something". people always say how vague i tend to be...but i suppose that's something i can't help. someone else once told me that i always say "seemingly" and "perhaps" a lot, which i do. my reasoning for doing that is simple: it's my nature. heh. throughout my life i've been faced with a variety of situations in which a single decision could alter the entire outcome of the entire scenario. really, this is the case with any decision; however my recoginition of this comes from the fact that some of those single decisions could have changed the path of my life completely. let's take an instance from that happend just about 5 years ago... i'd just finally gotten away from my psychotic ex, and i was not exactly of "right mind" (the gnomes had completely taken me over at that point). so yes... i decided, hm...seattle...ok sure. there was someone there i knew, and i figured, "why not?" so, the day i was leaving, my best friend came to see me at my mother's house. she thought i was being completely irrational and just plain stupid, and had no problem with telling me as such. she asked me if she could see my bus ticket, and i declined. she urged me to let her see it, but i knew that if i let her get her hands on it, that it would be in scraps seconds later. when i think back to that moment....i realize how much i really did want to hand her that ticket. i remember standing there thinking "but i HAVE to go..." and now my question is , why? why did i HAVE to go? i didn't...not really. i just thought i did. i had it in my head that this is what i was required to do. i have a whole plate of reasons as to why i probably felt that way, but i won't go into that now. anyway, i eventually came home. she didn't call me for awhile, and then one day i heard from her. i went home about 2 weeks later. the situation i was in was ridiculous, and now, as the stronger version of myself, i look back and think "WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKK?!?!" because that wasn't even me. i never do what people tell me to do. i don't even take someone raising their voice at me (if its unwarranted, and even still. heh). anyway, relating to the original topic.... i don't like to assume things. my connection with reality is somewhat limited, and i have a sort of natural detatchment about me. my view of things is generally rather objective... but of course i'm still a human creature so i have some subjective tendencies floating around up there.
but yes...that was quite awhile ago. another lifetime infact. now... i'm better than i was then. not so unstable. of course, i'll always have some of the problems...there's no cure for that. as i told someone last night... i call it "functionally insane". i function....but i'm still somewhat insane. most people who know me don't know that...they've got no clue about what's going on up in my head. those that are even a bit close to me at least have an idea that i'm not the picture of mental health, but i think they find that endearing about me. heh. and then there's people that actually know what's going on up inside my head, at least to a degree. those people are the ones that i consider to be my "safe" people, in most aspects. i can't always tell them what's going on up there, or how i'm feeling, because for some of them it's seemingly intense or grotesque. i understand that though.... they just get scared that i'm going to revert back to my former state of deluded insanity. but functional insanity...yes...i'll that that one any day, as opposed to the other. but there are a few people that i can tell more to. but i never tell anyone everything....i don't think i want to purposely think about it long enough to do that.
anyway, i've got to treck my ass to the car and drive home so i can put on my converse and then go to work. a stockin beer i'll go a stockin beer i'll go..high ho the... eh. fuck it.
until next time.... contemplate your purpose, look at reality, and then spew in disgust.
smirkingly yours,
the girl who stocks cheap beer
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